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Facing Feelings of Life’s Unfairness

My husband and I recently started the adoption process and are going through the training. It’s a very rigorous process and we don’t know where it will lead, but trust that we’ll figure out our direction as it unfolds.


What led us here? Infertility.


We’ve had many moments of feeling like it’s not fair that we have this unexplained infertility that hasn’t bore fruit in our marriage. It doesn’t seem fair that we’ve tried to live virtuous lives like others in our midst who have had an easier time building their families. It doesn’t seem fair that we don’t have a good answer as to why we can’t have a child yet or that our life’s years are passing us by.


I’m sure if you’re waiting, you’ve had similar feelings. God, it just isn’t fair that I’m stuck where I am, and that you seemingly aren’t moving in my life in the ways I want, when I want.


This is a natural human response to what seems unfair in our lives. In Ezekiel 18, we hear similar words echoed: “The Lord’s way is not fair!” We hear other verses throughout the Bible that the Lord’s ways are not our ways and the Lord’s thoughts are not always our thoughts. God thinks and acts in different ways than we think He will.


I often think about the holy people in our Church’s history. Were they all given fair lots in life? Most definitely not. Some were martyrs. Others endured sufferings like imprisonment, persecution, sickness, early deaths, and widowhood. But they were all given a unique opportunity to witness to their faith and some aspect of the Gospel in the midst of whatever trial they faced. They all grew in seeing how God sees, understanding God’s ways, and growing in God’s heart. That was their path to peace and joy in spite of any unfairness they endured.


For us, the adoption process has helped us see more through God’s eyes, grow in His heart, and learn His ways. There is a world of grief, poverty, and difficulty out there, and orphaned children are living in the midst of it. It’s helped us see with God’s eyes that our family is not the only family God cares about, and that there’s a need to care for the children He’s already brought into the world. There is an even deeper unfairness others are living when compared to our own. It’s expanding our sense of charity, compassion, and justice.


Consider that the unfairness you’re feeling may be the path to reflect on how God sees our situation and come to a new understanding of Him and His ways.


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